Taking olanzapine at hospital doses is old hat for me. I wanted brand name Zyprexa but the generic version still works and I took hospital dosage because I need it.

I have no problem do so. None whatsoever. My brain chemistry is not normal at all since the priest abused me. I cannot say exactly why for sure but anyone who has had psychosis would remember their first psychotic break. It is unmistakable.

It’s like people who think it’s no big deal to be raped—just get over it. Well if they’d ever been raped they would not say that because everything changes after rape.

Nothing is ever safe again—ever—and there is no place to hide. Nothing is sacred and there are no sacred spaces ever. It’s a free-for-all/open season with no boundaries to be invaded endlessly.

At least olanzapine provides some space from the living, waking nightmares. It is a protection so that even if raped while on it, life can still go on and rational thought can still occur and I can plot how to extricate myself from this merry go round of endless pornified life I have been enslaved in by my family.

It’s not my will to be caught in this mess and dragged down in the sewer constantly and then blamed for debasing the world.

I am not profiting from it and don’t want to be in it and abhor it. So now what?

I know not. The stigma is real. I am blamed for enslaving the world because they are enjoying watching my degradation. It’s fun I guess. Entertainment for *them* not for me. I hate it and I hate how it feels to have lusting people rape me. So go ahead and blame me.I am the victim of your lust and despise you for giving the rotten porn energy to kill my soul.

Have fun. Get off. I have never watched it and don’t want to. It’s your sin, not mine.

Porn destroys lives and addicts and enslaves. Watch it and you are contributing to the rape of souls.

Caveat emptor.

The only thing that gives me real peace is the life of Rabia. She escaped and found her Beloved. It’s what helps me most is her example.