It doesn’t really matter that no one seems to care. It honestly doesn’t to me anymore. I know that I have a true Friend and that is what matters. I also have a conscience and that is the best present I could ever have. I am writing because I have been ordered to and that is that. It may never be read and I am alright with that, as well. I truly am.
I posted a YouTube video of my abuser and my questions to him today. I got no response from anyone at all and I am perfectly fine with that, as well. I truly am.
I do not expect anyone to feel sorry for me. I do not want anyone’s sympathy. I truly do not. I have a very blessed life. I am positive about that fact today.
I did read what I wrote and posted to my psychiatrist who is also a psychoanalyst and he asked me one question: was it cathartic? Yes, it was extremely cathartic. It truly was. It may make a difference for someone down the road or not. I cannot say. All I know is that it was authentic and it was something that someone needed to ask the fallen father–many things, actually.
He may get away with what he has done. That is not up to me to enforce. It just isn’t. I just have to do the next right thing. I have to write. It is an assignment. I will leave it at that because I am not writing so I can please other people. I am writing because it is the will of God and I know that for a fact. So, I renounce the fruits of my actions and today I have become the Zen Macrobiotic stable nun I have longed to be because of my Daniel fasting. No one can take that away from me. No one. Whether I am ever accepted as a lay Dominican nun or not does not make or break my life. I may be excommunicated from the Catholic Church. I just may. They have that power. What they do not have is the power to take from me my faith as a Messianic Jew.
The Vatican can crucify the Lord Christ just as the Sanhedrin did 2,000 years ago. They can do so in their treatment of children abused by their priests. That is their right. It is a Satanic Rite they are practicing. They are offering up children to sacrifice before their altars just like pagan priests do. It is the altar of expediency because honestly, they do not want to deal with the reality that they have a problem. Sobeit.
I will fast and pray–for myself and the victims to be delivered of the madness, as well as the priests because the Enemy has us all in captivity. The dragon who stood before the woman who was ready to deliver to devour her child and who went to make war with her and the remnant of her seed is the dragon of anti-Christ. Who best exemplifies that Enemy than the false fathers who devour the children’s innocence and refuse to defend the souls under their care?
The face of embodied evil stares at the world as Paul Shanley whom even the Spotlight cannot faze. Free to roam as the Boston Strangler of souls–the destroyer of not just bodies but souls and the Vatican is seemingly impotent. So far from infallible, the Pope lets the committee die that investigates sexual abuse of children. What came to me today, was the Word of the Lord: “by their fruits ye shall know them.”
The rotten apples of Eve’s ill: malignant narcissism is the evil fruit I smell. Silence gives consent. The Serpent offers the Jesuit an apple and he appears wise to the world in his sophistication. What would Jesus do?
It is time for Him to judge the living and the dead. How will the Vatican fare? That is up to Him and His just judgement. All I know is that the One who overturned the moneychangers in the Temple also spoke about it being better to have a millstone about the neck than to harm children. He rebuked Peter as channelling Satan. Do you think He is incapable of excoriating Peter’s descendant now? That would be true love to do so, because the abuse must stop and only He can deal with this mess. That would be truest Divine Mercy for the souls–to stop the Enemy and his enablers.
Even so, come quickly Lord Jesus Christ…Judge me first and foremost because I long for Your holy judgment as it is true enlightenment. I implore You to send the full-gathered momentum of Your judgement upon me right now, this moment. I cannot wait for Your judgment of me for it is where I find peace and love, even as I write, for I know You have given me a piece of Your Mind. I am made whole in Your Sacred Heart, O Lord, because You have answered my prayer for total and permanent commitment to Your Sacred Heart. I am confined in the asylum of the LORD our Righteousness because You say to all “there is nothing you could ever do that this Heart could not consume.” In that Heart, I am judged and consumed and that is True Love. My lunacy will cease offending You. Thank You, Rabboni!