When I was raped–finally deprived of the one thing I thought I could offer to God: my virginity, such as it was–no one cared and no one knew knew or believed me. Years later, when I told my mother of the various sexual assaults I’d endured, her comment was, in very dry, sarcastic tones, “You sure have been raped a lot.” It was half accusatory, as well.
That was what passed for empathy from her. I could not really expect much, anyways, as she initiated an incestous realtionship with me when I was young. In fact, for her, sex with men was something to auction off the the highest bidder in exchange for status, prestige and glamour. As she said to me many times, “it’s just as easy to love a rich man.”
When I moved to a state with many cattle ranches, she told me to go find a rich rancher and marry him. At that point, what did I really have to offer any man? I was sick and obese and could hardly climb a flight of stairs without being winded. Of course, I was also crazy–not exactly trophy wife material.
No, in all honesty, the only male who was not payed to care for me, who really cared anything about me, was the Savior. I have always asked Him, what in the world do You see in me? Why do You care at all?
Of course, the answer is, He cares about everyone because that is who He is. My sick psyche does not daunt Him. Not at all. He must like challenges because I am a tough nut who is quite cracked and rotten because of it.
So, the fallen priest wanted to make me his pet, as he did the girl who got him to have to resign. He ruined her life with his sexual abuse. Instead of biting for his apple of serpent’s desire, I went mad instead. That was how I saved myself, so to speak. His spirits which oppressed me drove me insane, but that is just collateral damage to the Vatican and the Archdiocese, I guess.
They have much more important points to consider these days, such as whether the Pope is a heretic for possibly allowing divorced people to take Holy Communion. Yes, this is what is consuming Catholics now. Not that a cocaine-fueled gay sex orgy is broken up by the police at the Vatican. Or that any number of high-level priests are in the headlines for sex abuse.
No, it is giving Holy Communion to divorced people–not that priests who are sexual predators are handing out the Sacraments one moment and desecrating children’s lives the next–that is the issue of the hour, and there is no plan in place to stop priests carnal knowing of children. No plan except zero tolerance, which means unleashing them upon the world with no restraint in place.
The Spotlight shone its light upon the priest predators and now they are let scot free into Boston to continue the legacy of destroying souls and sending them to Hell, both on Earth and in the afterlife. That’s the modern day version of Paul, who spreads his gospel of damnation in defiling the souls of children. He’s a priest of the father of lies, who lies and denies he’s even sinned at all. Evidently, the Vatican is impotent in stopping this desecration. If the Pope is really a Holy Father, and infallible, he will figure out a way to contain these creatures and bind the evil spirits they embody.
These priests are embodying evil, I have no doubt about it. They are becoming incarnations of Absolute Evil and the Vatican seems powerless to stop them. Well, maybe one suggestion would be to again start praying to Archangel Michael at Mass, the prayer by Pope Leo XIII, “St. Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle…” because God tasked Archangel Michael to cast the Devil out of Heaven.
What kind of prayer and fasting is being meted out to the wayward priests? If this kind goes out only by prayer and fasting. as Jesus said, then let’s try it on these, the worst, most possessed, most diabolical men on the planet: priests who prey upon the flock as the wolves in shepherd’s clothing.
I know. I was infected by one. His spirits vex me still. I am going to continue my prayer and fasting and start another Daniel Fast, as the prophet Daniel used to great effect. Pulse and water is the fare to try to get this monkey off my psyche. These spirits the gate-to-Hell father delivered to me, I must be delivered of posthaste. Michael the Great Prince is who Daniel said would rise up in the last days. I learned my lesson the hard way. I went to Mass without having said my full Archangel Michael chaplet/rosary and therefore was not fully clothed in my spiritual armor and I suffered a deep blow.
My psyche has not been the same since. I did not have to go to the hospital, but if I had, no Catholic would have visited me, of that I have little doubt. I have to find a way to make a living now. I have no help in any way from the Catholic Church for the damage done, other than they paid for six months of therapy for me. Now I need to get better fast and I can’t afford to go to the hospital.
I cannot go to Mass without my full armor on, no matter what. It takes hours, literally. I am not sure I will ever be well enough to go again. That is reality. The Church is a place of horrors for my psyche. Yes, the Lord is there but so are innumerable spirits of the night. I can handle meditating in front of the Blessed Sacrament during Adoration really well because there are few if any people around. It is just the Lord and me.
It is not that I am happy or proud to be in this state of oversensitivity, but what can I do? Fast and pray…that is the Lord’s prescription. And the priest I trust most gave me the assignment to write.
Once I am cleansed, then I may be able to write something decent, I pray…