Today I had hoped to be healed, to become sane. After a 54 day rosary novena and Daniel Fast of vegetables and water including whole grains and beans, I remain insane it seems, as I cannot sleep.
Is it insane to ruminate over losing a case manager, who was my emergency contact, an authorized representative, perhaps my housing situation, and the backing by Vocational Rehabilitation for my service animal, who is my best friend on Earth? It is crazy to worry that there really and truly is no one on Earth who wants to be there for me day-to-day or wants me to be the same to them, except my dear equine friend for whom I am responsible?
I know I could take some Zyprexa now but I have to drive 2 hours to the psychiatrist tomorrow and back and I cannot be over-medicated. If I don’t sleep at all tonight, then I will automatically be taking 10 mg. of Zyprexa tomorrow night. That is what would be given me in a hospital. Of course, if I have to go to the psych ward, it will be thousands of dollars that the state will have to pay. It used to cost $1,000. a day but that was years ago and I am sure the price is much higher now.
This is exactly the problem with what the legislature is trying to do with budget cuts in this state. They cut funds for case management but more people will decompensate and have to be hospitalized and that is extremely expensive. I am hoping that by typing out my frustations, I will avoid that fate.
Of course, the core issue for me is, why should the state have to pay for my care when the Archdiocese of San Francisco is at least partly responsible for my disabling condition? Their priest, Father Miles Riley precipitated my disabling psychiatric condition by sexually abusing me way back in 1976. I have been disabled since that day and have not yet been able to rehabilitate myself. I am trying but so far, to no avail. I want to work and be productive. I truly do. How many people do you know who would fast and pray for 54 days for a healing to be able to work?
This kind goes out only be prayer and fasting, saith my Lord and Savior. The day is not over yet, because I have yet this day ahead to finish my novena and Daniel Fast. A miracle could occur, and it may. This blog may serve as evidence when the Archdiocese of San Francisco is taken to court by other victims and there is not a thing I can do about it. This is a public record now and it will stand.
In this state where I moved, a diocese is going through bankruptcy right now because of sex abuse cases by priests. In tiny town a priest named Herritick sexually abused a a girl in the 80s. If that is not triggering, I do not know what is.
I go to confession to try to deal with my issues with all of this, but so far, I still have not been able to put it to rest. Where is she now, what happened to her? Is anyone helping her? Is she addicted or suicidal? Did she lose her faith in God, in a Heavenly Father who cares about her because a foul false father ripped her innocence from her? Where is he now?
St. Teresa of Avila is said to have known which priests are in Hell by the burning on their hands where the holy oils were applied when they became ordained. Why is it that that heretical impostor of a father has valid baptisms while Elizabeth Clare Prophet’s baptisms are not valid in the Catholic Church? Who is the real heretic before God the Father now? She at least cared enough to hear my confessions and preach the holy rosary and convince me to accept Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. Still she is considered a cult leader by the Catholic Church.
Fr. Miles’ baptisms are valid, too. Where will he end up? Will he join his heretical brethren in Hell? Does the Archbishop even care about his soul or is he just a moneychanger in the temple? Is he a modern Pharisee? What remedy does the infallible Holy Father have for this mess?
I suspect that the Lord Christ Himself may have to fix this abomination of desolation in the holy place wherein it ought not to dwell. The Pope is giving a free pass to fallen fathers to send souls to Hell with them. If that is not the ultimate desecration, I do not know what is.
The true Head of the Church, the Lord Christ, has given His remedy, but it was not heeded. He sent His Holy Mother to Fatima to give Her plan for peace, but it was not followed soon enough to prevent two world wars. Now, the stench of the smoke of Satan fills the Church and St. Michael the Archangel is not called upon to help.
Well, by the grace of God, I will exit this life as a Messianic Jew, even if the Church declares me a heretic. I care not. I won’t lose my faith in Jesus as the Messiah no matter how much degradation at the Vatican fills my news feed. I won’t because Elizabeth Clare Prophet showed me just how to deal with those who sexually abuse children. She would not let a family on the property whose father was abusing his girls. They did not know it, but she would not let them even set foot on the Holy Ground of the Ranch.
She taught Jesus’ remedy for dealing with the carnal mind and it works if you work it. People were dismissed from her staff for infractions for lesser than what is reported at the Vatican these days. If one of her ministers had a gay cocaine-fueled sex orgy in the sanctuary of the Ranch, I cannot even imagine the fire that would descend, because she had the Holy Spirit and could rebuke devils with true authority because she was a direct apostle of Christ Jesus. That is my witness and I can say it is true.
There are still holy souls in the Catholic Church such as Father Patrick Collins who also is filled with the Spirit Most Holy. If it weren’t for his prayers, I doubt if I would be in the Church. He said there are spirits of possession and spirits of oppression and I had spirits of oppression. False Father Miles vexed me with his devils and evidently they still have not left. His spirits were not just of lust but of hatred of women and of the Woman Clothed With the Sun. He was himself afflicted with a deep anger towards God and the Church, so he preyed upon girls such as myself and the girl before me and probably others. He desecrated the Image of the Father which could only be healed by a true Father such as Fr. Patrick Collins, who embodied caritas.
I would like to know if Fr. Miles was also at the parties where Anton LaVey of the Church of Satan went, as my parents did. Anton LaVey was quite the fixture on the San Francisco social scene back then. And Miles Riley was a socialite as were my parents, who were on the San Francisco Mayor’s Host Committee when Dianne Feinstein was mayor. Did LaVey infect Fr. Miles or did his malignant narcissism previoulsy afflict him? Where did the Devil get into him? What is he doing now? How many girls are at risk?
Has he quit drinking or does he still drive drunk and endanger lives that way? So many questions, so few answers. I requested to interview him on camera to be videoed but I really think he would ideally also be examined at St. Elizabeth’s, the Nation’s psychiatric hospital in Washington D.C.. I could do my best to interview him but I am but a reporter and not a broadcast reporter nor do I long to be. I am a writer and that is my assignment from Fr. Patrick Collins–to write. I doubt if this is what he had in mind, but sobeit.
If the Catholic Church cannot figure out what to do with these fallen men, then let the top forensic psychiatrists at least learn from them. Let those who would follow in the footsteps of Dr. M. Scott Peck, M.D., who wrote People of the Lie and studied the probelm of human evil, examine the life of Riley under a forensic microscope. The Archdiocese could donate their specimen of malevolence to advance scientific understanding of the affliction of human evil. I have been in counseling my entire adult life because of what he spawned, so why should the perpetrator be spared the analytic couch or the glare of mirrors hiding the stable of observing psychiatrists, as were at Stanford psych ward where I was locked up before?
I was on-track to become an licensed addictions couselor, but this state’s Vocational Rehabilitation funding has dried up. If the feds have to be called upon to fight the many fires, I can hardly expect to have my retraining given a priority. In truth, why should the state have to pay for my re-training? Honestly, why should they?
I have been sober from alcohol since 1988. I am also 100 pounds lighter from gluttony which began in earnest after Fr. Miles sexually assaulted me. My current doctor also said I was the only patient he’s known who has gone through broken ribs without pain medications, so I do have something to contribute in the field of addictions, but first I have to go through training. Who should pay for that? Why?
The world does not owe me a living. The Church does not owe me a living either, actually. I still have a Savior and a mission which began at Mission Dolores and will not end until Rome faces its Savior’s wrath and He cleanses the Temple through the Freedom of the Press–and the winepress of His Wrath from the Fourth Estate. Maybe even WordPress may contribute some continuing Son-light as the best disinfectant. May the Spirit of Truth reveal all that is hidden and the muckrakers cleanse the Augean stables of Roman outposts of filth and degeneracy embodied in polluted priests.