stigmatized anonymous

The end does not justify the means in the priesthood either. What is salvation for some but a salivation in anticipation of a reward? So instead of learning delayed gratification they seek to take heaven by force because they know deep-down they’ve not inherited it. Some of us are lambs for the slaughter and our sacrifice upon the altar of unholy lust is just to them. Maybe that fallen priest just hated the Church or despised women. I do not know. All I know is that now I am presented with yet another fallen man who I am tempted to think I am supposed to “save.” This is my temptation because I cannot save anyone including myself–there is only one true Saviour and he is Christ the Lord. That is his office and specialty. It is a holy office and I am in desperate need of his intercession. My brain is addled and trying to run to erect another idol who will save me from facing myself by my focusing on him. This is the very test I’ve flunked so, so often. Help me O Lord, I pray! I am bearing my cross of mental illness and addictions and it is inflicting damage. Help me not to focus on him but you and your intercession, even to get me here to the page rather than to run after an unholy alliance unsanctified and unwise. Thank you! Amen.

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