stigmatized anonymous

Today begins my stigma blog anonymous. I will free write for 20 minutes and see what comes of it. I hereby dedicate it to the Holy Spirit, which spirit I was deprived of by a fallen false priest. He lived the life of Riley and so it was. Now he must come before his Maker and so must I. I ask to be judged myself so I may see the log in my own eye rather than the splinter in others.’ Sobeit. I am here and I will be judged by principles not personalities. I have had a spirit of condemnation afflicting and oppressing me and it hath been an unholy ghost making my life an unending nightmare, a permanent Halloween. Haunted not by the Holy Ghost but instead by the spirits of a dark knight mare that gallops around endlessly as the Death Rider.

I do not care to name her but she is real and she lives within and without as the shrew that hath remained untamed because she is totally unsubmitted to her Lord, her husband. Lo, thy Maker is thy Husband and that is because only He can deal with the shrew properly. It takes a Hercules to cleanse the Augean stables of the filth accumulated over eons and only a superhero, the One True God can accomplish the task. He hath many helpers but one Judge and I ask Him to judge justly of me now and forever.

O Faithful and True, ride into my entire being and do battle with this shrew within which hath vexed me as that witch was not from the beginning but which was spawned that fateful day when the fallen priest molested me. It became a Mission of a Via Dolorosa which cross you have borne on my behalf unjustly. It was not you who made him do the deed. He was the abuser; you were still and always were and always will be the High Priest of my heart. Your Sacred Heart is the High School in which I learned of you in meditation taught me by a Hindu yogi who had visions of you.

You are my Guru truly, this Jewish female who yet believes in you against all odds. I suppose that fallen clergyman was looking for a thrill outside his vows. How could he not know that you are the most thrilling of all Lovers? You alone truly love the unlovable and tame the shrew to clean house literally and yet first literarily.

What the false priest did was insert his carnal mind into my being the extract his pound of not flesh but of the Body and Blood of you in my heart–to extract it and to try to remove it forever and have it under his control. He must hate you so much that he has to prey upon the vulnerable girls instead of praying for their souls. I do not know what resides in his heart but I do know this:  I have harbored myself a dark spirit which I took in when he vexed me with it. I began my path of gluttony which nearly killed me and a perverse addiction to idolatry of fallen men. This is upon me because I thought I was too unclean for you ever again and I could never be satisfied with the manna you offered in Holy Communion with you. Cleanse me of this darkness O Lord because it is you who point to your Sacred Heart and say, “There is nothing you could ever do that this Heart could not consume.” It is true for that one who misrepresented you as well. You can say that to all perverts and the insane, too, but first we must confess. You can heal me of my madness O Lord and I know that fully. You are the only one who could heal the insane. I come before you offering this blog on stigma as a way to be cleansed, for you have commissioned me to do it. I am anonymous and I am a madwoman because of the trauma inflicted by your misrepresentative. Heal me please! Receive me into your true Church, I beg of you. As of now I remain too afflicted to attend regularly. Heal me O Lord! Thank you Lord, for I am made whole in the Sacred Heart of Jesus by your decree literarily now.

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