Hell on Earth

Pope Emeritus Benedict gave predator priests a free pass previously, if reports yesterday are correct. Today the Catholic News Agency reports he is praying for victims.

Wonderful. I could really use the prayers. I really could but what is he praying for for me?

I don’t trust the Vatican and now I trust it even less. In fact I really don’t trust people in general and right now it’s taken all day to summon energy to even begin to function. This news hit me like the nuclear bomb a Russian legislator is threatening to send to Nevada.

I moved cross country for brain rehab and it’s progressing but on days like this I am back in the hellhole of depression.

My place is a mess of my own making and I cannot fathom how I will ever get it in order.

Maybe the Pope feels the same way about the Vatican and the Church. There’s really no fixing it, ever. All are powerless before the magnitude of the mess.

It’s one giant vortex of garbage it seems. Entropy rules and disorder holds sway.

Yeats seems the prophet of the hour as the worst are filled with passionate intensity. The Second Coming Yeats writes of is here and the rough beast dwells in Vatican City.

It’s Hell on Earth.

How to Find Freedom From Financial Abuse

You’re in a financial crunch and need to get bills paid. It’s the 20th of the month and the day to submit the bills. Then you get to see what will be paid or not.

Uncertainty in financial markets causes extreme volatility. So I know all about that kind of chaos.

It’s my life.

Here’s how I manage to get my bills paid each month. I start the day on my knees praying.

“O Jesus I surrender myself to You. Take care of everything!” Repeated ten times. It’s a prayer given to an Italian priest Fr Ruotolo who was given it by the Lord Jesus.

Then I pray the rosary with an intention to find freedom from financial abusers.

I fast on bread and water Wednesdays and Fridays and whenever it looks like the bills won’t get paid. I fast on bread and water until I find a solution and tell creditors that’s what I am doing.

I write down my goal: find financial freedom fast. Repeat it and pray for it without ceasing.

When in an emergency situation I pray the Memorare 10 times. It’s what Mother Teresa prayed as an emergency novena when in a pinch. I keep praying it until the answer comes.

When in despair, I offer up my suffering to the Lord. Every day people die of abuse. Today I read a high school teacher in Afghanistan died of hunger and had not eaten in 4 days. I am not alone in my suffering. My difficulties are minor in comparison to many.

Whatever happens if I offer it up, I will win and the abuser loses because I am in the morally better place and the abusers won’t be able to kill who I am in the core of my being. The Lord has me and I am His. He won’t abandon me. He’s got this.

Then all abusers will be free of me and have my money, if I die. They can then rejoice. I for my part will do what I can to stay alive and live to bear witness of finding freedom from abuse finally. Then the abusers will know they too have a choice to not be predators and instead turn to a Savior for financial freedom instead of preying upon me.

They will be free too to make their choice. And they are free to choose either way. I am not forcing them. They get to determine their own destiny.

And I can move on, finally.

Brief note on the booster shot…it send me into the beginnings of a hypo mania… last two shots initiated depression, which I far prefer, but the last one had me in the throes of something worse…thankfully it’s not my first rodeo with this bucking disease and I am trained in what to do…systemic inflammation affects my brain first and worst always now…that’s the legacy of a hyper reactive brain since the priest abuse so many years ago…

Where I sometimes hung out when homeless and living in my car (before I left Montana) to find complete recovery…I could pray my rosary there…She’s the best Jewish Mother ever and she cares for and loves everyone…